The real question I have for myself at this point is do I actually care about myself? Do I actually care about my feelings and what I want? I feel like I don't, and the things that I do are against myself and what I would wish of myself. I don't feel like I am myself, I guess you could say. I feel like a person stuck in the mud not because the mud is too sticky but because I've convinced myself that I want to be there, but somewhere in the deepest part of my soul, I know I don't want to be there. I know I want to be out of it. I guess I just have to make a decision. That's the only real way to get through these kinds of things. I have to make a decision to do the thing that I know I have to do but that I don't want to do at all because it will be me giving up control over myself. It will be me allowing myself to do what it wants, whatever that means. I think it has to be done, but it's so hard to do, you know? I feel like my world has been destroyed. I feel like the entire planet is wrecked. I feel like everything is non-existant or something.
This is so dumb.
This is a place where I express my thoughts in the most free manner capable. Beware of bad grammar and bad paragraph structure; it's gonna pervade this place like a plague.
