Work

Okay, since I'm pressed for time (or at least my mind is telling  me that I'm pressed for time; it could most certainly be and is most likely lying, but I really am having fun typing this in a stupid stream of nothingness, so I don't care), I'm going to list the things I've learned about the way I think and what gets me motivated and various other things I've learned about psychology in this trip I unwillingly and unexpectly undertook a year and a half ago. Be warned: it will most likely only make sense to me when I read it back, and, I'm even stalling on this? What the hell is wrong with me?

I think that I need to grow up, and this thing that I'm going through, this whole problem that perturbs me so, it's just the process that, for some reason I keep confusing to push myself through. I don't know. I really don't. All I ever want to do is procrastinate, but I hate procrastination because it gets me no where. It doesn't even feel good to procrastinate; it feels awful. It used to feel good to procrastinate, so I really miss it feeling good. Every time I procrastinate I hope somewhere in my heart that it will feel as good as it used too, but it never does.

I feel like I'm exerting myself, like I'm tensing every muscle in my body for absolutely no reason. The procrastination aspect of this problem I'm going through is me trying to get the slightest bit of respite from said over-exertion. Dammit, I want taking a break to actually feel good.

I have a feeling that the one of the reasons taking a brea....

Okay, let me explain this a different way. Forget about the text above. Wow, lets see if I can make this coherent.

I have too feelings that are bothering me, most likely simultaneously right now. One of them is the normal effect of procrastination, that sort of guilty feeling of


Fuck this; I know exactly what the problem is. It's that I'm not working right now to make up for the time I've procrastinated until this point.

I'm gonna go start working, k?