Mind-Stabbingly Angry (but not really)

That I want to stab it with a rusting jagged knife and watch it slowly bleed to death illustrates pretty clearly how angry I am with my own mind right now, or perhaps just a piece of it, for if I were angry with it entirely, I wouldn't be typing this; would I? That piece, we'll call it the emo-lobe for fun, is sending the purest form of ambivalence known to man directly into my emotional center at the most awkward times imaginable. At times when I feel worried, it decides to tell me that I also feel calm, and at times when I feel calm, it screams to me that I should also be worried. As a result, I don't know what to feel at times when I should feel something, and all of the parts of my mind besides the emo-lobe want me to be sure, so my mind is at a constant imbalance and will probably be so until the emo-lobe becomes more sure. 

However, now that I think about it, the emo-lobe's conflict with stability, while it does get on my nerves, is doing much better than what it did before, so I don't even know why I'm complaining about it right now. I have only a loose grasp of the reasoning behind my anger, so let me see if I can narrow it down a bit. I am happy because I just recently figured out that my mind is not in the terrible place that I thought it was in, and has actually moved away from it and is probably continuing to do so, but I'm worried because I'm blind as far as the direction of my mind is concerned and can therefore never be sure if it's going the way I hope it is. Like a blind man walking down a road, I can only tell where I am at certain points, or markers that I can feel with my hands, so I can only be loosely sure about anything.

Perhaps I want my mind to get to the proper place faster than it should, and perhaps I should have patience, but I've had to go through so much trouble to get to this point, and just having a taste of the right way of thinking makes me want more of it.

Whatever, take what I've typed as you will and go on with your lives. No one reads this shit anyways.

Goodbye, see you guys later.