System Shlocking

I'm sick of thinking in such a depressive way, so right now I'm trying my hardest to get out of the system of thought patterns my brain currently occupies. It hurts my gut whenever I do it, but I have a feeling that it's supposed to. I have a feeling that it is somewhat similar to quitting smoking or video gaming, that it's gonna feel really bad to be out of it for a good while before it ever starts feeling good. I may not even notice when it starts feeling good, for it may be an "I got used to it enough." moment sort of like Stanley Yelnats's experience in "Holes," but I know that whatever pain I go through to get out of it definitely feels better than staying in it.

I hate that paragraph I just wrote, by the way. It's unclear. It's stupid. It sucks, no flow whatsoever. I really need to care more about my grammar, but right now the only care that's going through my mind is how long this post will look when it is seen, so I'm typing sentences like this one to seem like I'm delving into the dark depths of some amazingly astounding philosophical topic when I'm really just breaking the forth wall and explaining my reasons for doing so to you, oh humble readers, who are stupid enough to continue reading this jumbled mess of symbols.

I want to be creative, make something amazing, but in order to do that, I have to be amazed by the things that other people create; I have to be inspired. Right now, inspiration is happening in tiny little spurts, and most of them are the result of me force-squeezing the lemon juice out of my mind and feeding myself the few lovely glasses of lemonade, which of course taste great, but as far as going far goes, I don't know if they're that much of a hybrid. 

I'm probably bullshitting myself right now with lame excuses, so I don't have to go and do something, but at least in doing that I am being active. At least I am thinking about something else, and at least I'm giving you people something to read and enjoy reading (ahahaha, my minions!).

I've started to think of the past like a propulsion engine; if you put it in front of you, you're gonna force yourself back to where you started, but if you put it in back of you, you'll fly into the future like a bird that knows it's shit and glides that air like a boss!