My mind is feeling blurry right now. My thoughts feel like they're trying to run through a neck-high swamp of thick mud because of the fear of failure that I feel right now. I don't want to fail. I want to succeed. I don't want to loose my job. I want to keep it. I don't want to not be able to pay rent. I want to pay rent. I want to. I want to. I just want to. I have no clue where this is going, but here we go.
I need to work right. My deadline is at the end of the day today. I do not know why, but my mind doesn't want to work. It's the procrastination effect, I believe.
Anyways, the real reason I'm typing this right now is that I've decided to do an experiment, a little thought experiment regarding my current mind-set and the chemical feeling it evokes that prevent me from trying my best. A blog is as good a place as any to document such an experiment, right? Right.
Instead of being afraid of failure, I'm wondering what will happen if I assume that failure is inevitable. I'm thinking this will do a few things. First, it will take away the mystery that keeps my mind so invested in this little story, this little bet I've trapped myself in the middle of; hence, it will make me stop imagining the worst results it has to offer like I currently am through the abstract yet vivid medium of chemical feelings.
You know what? I'll get back to this as soon as I'm done working because I really do have a deadline today. See you guys later.
This is a place where I express my thoughts in the most free manner capable. Beware of bad grammar and bad paragraph structure; it's gonna pervade this place like a plague.
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