Help me

You want to know how I feel right now?

In short, I feel worried. I feel so worried that my hands are shaking, making it difficult to type this bunch of sentences that you are now reading. I feel really worried. I really don't want to feel worried though, but I don't know how to stop. I guess the best way to stop being worried would be to stop looking toward the future as something that is the most awful thing in the world and start looking at what I can do now in the present. I really don't want to talk about the reason that I'm worried, but I'm going to do so anyways because I feel that I need to.

My fingers feel shaky right now as I type this, and I'm afraid that the reason they feel shaky is that I have some sort of unhealable disease that is going to ruin my life. What I really want to know is if I do have this really terrible disease. I really want to know that. I feel that my fingers could be shaky right now because I'm incredibly nervous, because I don't know if I have a disease at all. I really would like to know. I mean my muscles hurt, and I don't like the way they hurt, but they hurt, nonetheless.

Perhaps it's because I haven't been spending enough time using my mind and actually learning that this problem is affecting me. I don't know. I just don't know. I just don't want this problem to stop me from being able to learn. I don't want something to break inside me. I know I'm probably making it worse by picturing the worst possible thing, but I can't help it. I'm scared. I really really really don't want to be infected with anything and I want it all to just be something in my head, but I'm not sure it is. I'm so scared right now. I don't know what the fuck to do. I really don't. I just feel awful. I wish I could avoid being scared right now, for being scared is something that makes it worse; is it not?

I mean, even if I actually did have a disease that is uncurable, that would mean that there was nothing I could do about it anyways, so I wouldn't have to worry about it at all, right? Right? I don't know what the fuck is going through my brain right now, but I wish I could replace it with calmness and collectiveness, because this nervousness is really driving me crazy.

Please, someone help me. Please.