Out of the forest

I want to be free from these chains, man; I want to feel like I can do whatever the hell I want to do. Whatever. I need a break from this suffering thing. I need to rest, but can I? That's the question I ask myself everyday in some way or another, so should have a pretty good idea of what the answer is, but I don't, for I have never remembered the times I've asked that questions and the answers I've given myself. Have you ever forgotten something that you thought was important, then remembered it and and gotten worried about having forgotten about it. I don't know what I'm saying, for I am in a mindset that doesn't want to allow me to know what the fuck I'm saying. I shoot for the stars all the time, but I keep missing. Should I continue? Is it worth it? I don't even know why the hell I'm asking myself these questions when I already know that the answer is yes. What is wrong with me? I need to figure that out at some point. I'm kind of bored of going through these constant phases of good bad good bad good bad really good really bad. I need to get beyond the phase point and into the reality of feeling really good ninety percent of the time and understanding why I feel bad when I do feel bad. Sorry about the unprofessional decoding of the electric signals in my brain you have to witnsess. I just feel to lazy to use a better decoder now. I can't believe it, but that is actually really fun to do, say something like that, something that's metaphorical and interesting. I want to do that kind of stuff all the time, dude! I wanna be free!!!!!

And I want to love music knowing that I won't fall down and die once I stop listening to it. I want to love music for what it is, not what it was! I'm really tired of going through life thinking that I'm on a battery and no charger exists. I'd prefer to be on the food that I eat and the things that I do. I really want to live like a liver would, and when I say liver I don't mean that certain part of the human body, but I mean one who lives, who breathes, who sees the reason to keep on chugging. I need to sing, I need to love, I need someone to love. Perhaps that's why I'm feeling so bad. I have no one to love, but that's simply not the case. I have tones of people who are dear to me, who I'd be willing to die for, but why have I been giving them the cold shoulder. I don't know. I don't like saying that I don't know; you know? I really really really want to break out of these stupid chains and collars that are wrapped tightly around my neck. I can barely breathe with them here. Why do I want to spell neck like kneck? Isn't that weird? Maybe my mind connects neck with a word like knock or know. I don't want to keep saying things on repeat, so I'll say something different.

Super Mario Galaxy has an amazing soundtrack. Every orchestral piece is so magical sounding, like a fairytale, and when that magic is combined with the sci-fi element of outerspace and planets, a beautiful new creature is born. I don't know what else to say. I'm on the verge of eating my brain right now with the way its been acting, although it's gotten better. I'm afraid of time, or rather a timer. This fear of being timed makes me impatient. You know, like whatever his name is in the Mummy. "Patience is a virtue!" "NOT RIGHT NOW IT ISN'T!" I feel like that, but I don't even see the mummies faithful followers acting there. I've only heard from someone else that they might be there. So, yeah. I don't feel really great right now. My stomach has this warm feeling of some sort of pain again, but that goes away when I ignore it. I should look at the past when it didn't go away and realize that now that it does go away that my life has improved. Dammit, I hate not checking the grammar of these sentences. I want to type good sentences! I want to be a good writer. At least right now I know that I'm typing bad sentences sometimes. At least I feel it in my heart and soul.

I am alive again. I am alive again. How many times must I say that to make it true? I think it is true, but my brain won't let me feel it until I prove that it's true. Don't you see? I see that there are lots of things that I need to do right now and far away from now, but I don't want to do them in the current state that I'm in, the state that I know will disappear if I keep walking steadily down the road my feet have been firmly trapsing on for at least a month now. I just need to keep taking steps in the right direction, and eventually I'll have traveled the necessary mile and extra mile that I need to get out of this dark forest of death and destruction. The nice animals have given me good guidance on the way out; I'm probably following one of them right now. I know they don't lie, for they are good creatures who have been tested by the forest, a forest who kills liars at first sight. I suppose in this forest that a liar is the worst criminal. I've lied before, but I don't ever feel comfortable doing it.

I know the way to the village, and I'll gladly show you if you give me some gold.

Gold? I don't have any gold.

Well, what do you have?

Nothing.

Okay, then, give me some of your nothing and we'll call it even. How about that?

How can I feel honest when I'm giving you nothing.

How can I feel feel kind when I don't help someone in need. Give me your nothing. I'll take it on with you.

Okay.

Come on, lets get out of this place.

Do you know the way.

No, but I do know half of it. Do you happen to know the other half?

I don't know.

I have a feeling you do, brother.

Why are you calling me that.

Because I want you to be my friend. Come on, the half I know is this way.

How do you know that the half you know won't lead us deeper into the forest?

I don't, but I believe in myself. I think it's time that you did the same.

I ... want to.

But....

But, I don't know how.

This is the excuse I hear from every single person in the world, "I don't know how," and do you know what I tell those who say it?

What?

Nothing! Hahahahahahahaha.

You're being weird.

I know, right?

Well, all is fine and good and dandy, if ya let me see who can be.... me.



















How do you like all that white space? It sounds kind of fun; doesn't it?