Reading Trouble

I feel like a fool right now, a blind fool hopefully groping for some sense of fun, of meaning. I need something to hold on to, something that doesn't annoy me and that won't instantly disappear the moment that it's over. I think I need to read some more, at least until the point when I can read stuff without doubting whether I read a sentence right or not. Oh, by the way I'm having a sort of reading problem right now. (I forgot to mention that, didn't I? Silly me.) It only really happens with long and difficult books. For some reason, when I try to read them, my brain goes through freezes of "Wait, did I read that right?" and "Huh? What did I just read." I often find myself reading through a full sentence way too fast to process it in my head as if I were trying to rush through it and get it over with when I'm really not, at least in my conscious mind, my subconscious being out of my current knowledge, and then, when I try to read more slowly, some judge within my mind comes down from high heaven and attacks me, forcing my mind into a continuous stutter. It sucks. It really does.

I had this problem a few months ago and overcame it by reading as many essays as I could, whether I could process their sentences or not, until they started getting easier.

I didn't think the problem would come back again. Maybe it's some sort of psychological thing. Have you ever had one of those moments where you look at a task that you haven't attempted to do since you were a child, and that child's judgement of how difficult the task is haunts you into not doing it? You refuse to try because it was impossible to do when you were a kid, in other words? I feel like that sometimes too. See, we have something in common.

Anywho, I guess to fix this problem, I'll do some reading until I can understand what I'm reading again. It'll only make me stronger, right? Now, to get to those books, I'm off!